but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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