i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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