im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
