He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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