6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
