forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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