i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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