YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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