can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
