Sry I called you an 8
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
handjob tips. give me some.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
