i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
