I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
