i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize