just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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