I puked a lego.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
