my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize