hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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