I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
