No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize