I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
