Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
