For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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