this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
