So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize