i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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