I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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