My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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