my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
FUCK WHALES
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