There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
