Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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