Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
did i walk over a car last night?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
