Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
