was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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