Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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