I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
