Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
