do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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