there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
