so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
