We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
