Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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