i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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