pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
