when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
