is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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