This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
