id be glad to
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
