awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
