you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize