its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
