yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
