I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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