College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
