having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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