Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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