woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize