mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
