Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So vagazzling was a success
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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