accomplished twins. life is a go
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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