it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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