my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
