I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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