The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
