The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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